October was a mess of all sorts for me and my family.
Medical issue after issue, children who have lost their minds thus causing me to lose mine as well, and to top it off my other half had to go away for training. It hasn't even been a week, but I've essentially become Bella from New Moon. You know the part right after Edward ditched her for her own safety? Yea, that's me alright. I have my babies to snap me back to reality, but those moments always seem to creep back to me.
I know I know, I shouldn't complain. He hasn't deployed yet and he is in a safe and secured area right now. The last six years, we've been extremely lucky to have avoided this extra training and preparation for deployment. Now that it's looming in front of us, I'm having trouble adjusting. I'm HUMAN everyone. I try to not feel the way I feel. But, it's definitely hard.
This is the first time that it wasn't just me and a baby. It's me + two young children adjusting to this type of change. So when the new year rolls around, this could get better or worse. I hoping that it won't get worse.
When I try to vent out loud, others think I'm not grateful. They think I'm taking everything for granted. Yes, I signed up for this when we got married and started a family together. I knew what being a military spouse has to deal with. But, everyone is different. Everyone handles the SAME situations DIFFERENTLY.
I try to be understanding and yes I know I'm a bit highstrung now but I'm working on it. I'm trying to keep busy by cooking, doing homework, focusing on doing things to distract my children from feeling the same way I feel. My rock, my Mr. Stability, isn't here to keep me level.
I appreciate everything my husband has done for our family. I also appreciate what he has to continue to do for our country and our family as well while in the miltiary. I may joke a bit too much with him about our temporary long-distance romance but he knows this is how I'm trying to cope with it.
Okay, so enough moping..
We've been up here for almost eight months now. We've seen slight snow, lots of rain, lots of wind, dark clouds, and more bipolar weather. It could be 40*F outside then an hour later it'll be 60*F??? Really?? But, again we are grateful that our weather hasn't been as bad as what Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy has done to the coastal East Coast. I'm praying for my friends that live in the City and for everyone else that has been affected by this weather catastrophe.
Although I know Sandy wouldn't directly come this far north, you never know what could happen. Mother Nature has a sick way of making people face reality sometimes. So, I went overboard and made sure that if Sandy did bring extra weather to NNY, that we would be prepared for anything. Everything that the CDC tells you to prepare for in case of a hurricane or a zombie apocalypse, that's what I did. I was not taking any chances especially with my children.
I also had to have a talk with my kids about what is going on, why did school get cut short that day or cancelled, and what we may have to do in case the storm gets really bad up here. As the day went by, the winds picked up ALOT.. We also had rain off and on, but in the end it was only unsecured trash cans (including mine) that almost ran away from their homes. I wasn't sure what to do with the trash bins, but the next time a storm comes, I am definitely putting them in my garage.. LOL.
Well after Sandy, I began to try to get back to the positive things and focus on my kids and school. We started going out and doing things that we normally wouldn't do. We went to the Mall for Halloween. We've also been hanging out with other friends so that we aren't stuck at home wondering what to do with ourselves that day.
The one thing that I know is my main source of therapy, is cooking. If you know me, I love to cook. I shouldn't be so defensive about my cooking but, that's how I'm feeling right now. Please know that cooking is my way of dealing with my own personal reality. That sounds insane, but it's my way of coping. I don't do well with long separations, you could ask my really good friends that had to deal with me when I was in Oklahoma. But, once I am back in my groove I will be fine again. I'm hoping that my other half will be back soon. If not, that's okay. That's how the military is.
I don't want to ask anyone to try to understand how I feel or to try to put themselves in my shoes because it's just complicated. I always remember that I am HUMAN and that it's okay to have feelings. It's also a phase that I am slowly working with so that when the real time comes, at least I can look back to today and know that it's gonna be all right.
