I'm Back.. Again.. Maybe

Moving to New York has been a welcoming challenge.  I'm still taking my online classes pursuing my Associate's and Bachelor's degrees in HIT/HIM.  We knew we were walking into something that we couldn't control.  His hours have been all sorts of wacky and my impatience has gone away.  Recruiting hours certainly has nothing on his current work schedule.  

I woke up really early today because I had thought he had already left for work.  He had kissed me goodbye and went downstairs to drive to work.  Yet, ten minutes later I hear a knock and a bag rustling  in my living room.  I must have my mother's ears because those sounds drove me to walk downstairs half-asleep to see if he was still here.  And he was.  

As I cuddled up to him with my head on his chest, I started to cry as I am now.  Telling him how much I miss him.  I would give up everything for this man because I know he has done the same for me. For US.  We sat holding each other waiting patiently as we talked about our future.  

I see how tired he is and I just wish I could go back to work again.  That way he can rest.  I know him and how much he internalizes everything. I may be a Type A personality but at least I get it out of my system.  Heck, he hasn't gone overseas for duty yet his work makes it seem like he's far away already.  

There are times that I wish I was back in Hawai'i.  With my family and friends around me and the kids. Where I can take a drive to my favorite sushi place or eat some dim sum in Downtown.  I would Skype with my brother and parents and wish I was still there with them.  Whenever he had to work late, I could always go to my parents house and hang out there with my kids till he came home.  That really helped with the loneliness.  But, it's different now.  Again.

You would figure that a woman like me would be used to her military man being gone due to work gets easier.  But, it doesn't.  It actually gets harder.  We have been together for almost a decade now.  I'm a lot more understanding now than I was when we were first married.  Through the years and training myself to be a semi-Stepford wife, I kept telling myself that I've been through one deployment. That I can get through this.  I know I can do this.  I just wish he was home with me.  

Home is where your heart is.  Like the many military wives out there, I just wish my heart was home with me.  Away from the early wake-up calls.  Away from the talks of traveling far and defending our rights from others.  Away from getting up extremely early to going to PT in the morning.  Away from the ridiculous work call hours.  

People ask me how do I deal with all of this.  I try to stay busy.  I have a schedule where I keep the kids busy so that I don't dwell on what could be and how I wish things were.  But, my reality is keeping my family healthy physically and emotionally.  That also means, that this mommy needs to suck it up.  To stop the crying and get some rest before her little ones are up and awake for the next 18 hours straight.  WITH NO NAP.  Because my kids don't believe in naps.  So back to sleepy land I go.  

IMY and ILY, XOXO