I Can't Help But Wait...

Waiting is such a tiring task.  Being an impatient person myself, it seems like a never-ending game I have been playing for the last ten years.  I know, I know.  This is the life I chose and have continued to work with.  But, even the strongest person weakens over time.  I have to wear a smile on my face everyday.  I have to hold back my tears when I see my babies crying because they miss their daddy.

My heart breaks every day that I hear my baby ask me when her daddy will be home again.  Even I don't know that answer.  All I can do is hug my children and try my best as a parent on double duty to provide them the best care possible.

I go into my bedroom and close the door so that I can sob away from my kids.  I don't cry every night like when he first left, but there are times when I'm around groups of soldiers and feel my heart break even more.

Just laying in bed with my babies by my side, my heart feels hollow.  Like I've lost my other half.  The days and nights that I don't hear from him, I feel that deeply buried fear and anxiety trying to bubble back up.  It's been seven years since the last trip and although I've been dealing with this one better, it's when I'm alone or trying to focus on my work I just simply can't.

I've found that the physical pains I experience, migraines and back pain, have become almost a constant now.  Either I wake up with one or the other.  Trying to focus on the future beyond school is my motivation while my children continue to be my strength and inspiration.

We continue to count down the days till he returns.. But, it's tough.  Even the food I cook and bake just doesn't taste the same anymore.  The love I pour into each dish I make is barely there now.  All I can do is wait and pray.  Sleep evades this mommy no matter how tired I feel.  No matter how awful I feel physically and or mentally, it simply won't leave.  My mind won't rest. All I can do is try to not worry and give it to God.

I pray for all that are away from their families.  I pray for their safety.  I pray for their well-being.  I pray for their families that have been left behind.  Most of all, I pray for my love to come back home safely and soon.

Back to Cooking & More

Store bought Kim Chee, homemade Jasmine Rice and broiled beef short ribs 

              Homemade Pork Hash 

One of my great joys in life is cooking. Although I don't cook as much as before,

I still love it. My son loves BBQ and I've been really homesick lately so this is what I picked out of my cookbooks. 

I bought the kimchee and marinade for the short ribs at the commissary. Visit your local Asian market to grab the ingredients. I also purchased the short ribs and ingredients for the pork hash at the commissary as well. 

Initially I've been craving dim sum (Chinese dumplings) and decided to go the lazy route and settled on doing the less time consuming pork hash instead. Of course, when I envision pork hash I remember the ones we would get at our favorite dim sum restaurant or even at 7-11. That was one of the best things living back in Hawaii and even in Japan as well.

Anyways, I took the short ribs and placed it in a ziplock freezer bag and poured the Korean BBQ marinade over it. I tried to push out as much air from the bag, sealed it, and let it sit in the fridge for about 2-3 hours. 

My kids and I met up with friends and spent our day at the splash park and we were excited to think about the ribs marinating at home. Once we got home, I took the ribs out and on a foil lined cookie sheet (I call it a flat pan, lol) I placed the ribs on it and set the oven to broil on the low setting. 

While the ribs were in the oven, I grabbed my ingredients for the pork hash out of my fridge which I shall post for you here: 

I have a Hawaii cookbook that has local recipes that I purchased in a local Walmart there. 

Anyways, I followed the recipe until right before it says flatten. I didn't flatten the mix. Instead I took wonton wrappers, made a circle with one hand so that I can drape the wrapper in that hand and mini scooped the mix onto the wrapper. Then I pinched the ends together to hold the mix in place. I also had a pot of boiling water and a steaming basket lined with wax paper (ran out of parchment paper and definitely did not want to use any cloth because the smell of your fabric softener will definitely ruin the food).

After placing and spacing out the pork hash, I steamed it for 45 minutes. Needless to say it was yummy. I only made a handful because I was tired from the earlier fun. I took the ribs out (I like mine slightly charred) and let it cool down on the pan. Served it as seen above.

When I have down days where I'm able to do more in my house, cooking is one of the only ways I can get whatever is on my mind out of my head. I'm also thinking of getting a punching bag to help destress as well.. But life always continues no matter the difficulties we each face. It's simply up to us in how we work with it.