I first began working with patients right out of high school. I worked for an ophthalmologist but I wasn't properly trained to do any of the work. After that horrid experience, I stayed away from the medical field for a very long time. It was during my first pregnancy that I decided to suck it up and become a medical assistant to help pay bills. This second exposure to patients was amazing. I met a lifetime friend, Kat, and worked almost non-stop because I loved my job at the clinic. After my second pregnancy, I took time off to raise my baby and go back to school to finish my AA in Liberal Arts. It was my intention to get my pre-requisites for the nursing program out of the way so that I will be able to focus on the nursing courses I need to complete the bachelor's program at a school nearby.
It is so difficult to become a nurse especially when you are married to a soldier. The military is so unpredictable that I have become so resistant to completing this dream that I have. Thus, I had decided to change my major to health information technology and management because I can complete my Bachelor's degree online. But, as I try to walk away from nursing, my heart wishes that I kept my focus on my dream. It's so difficult to prevent internal torment.
I have spent the last six years of my life in climbing the nursing ladder yet knowing how much my kids need me during this crazy transition is more important. I made a promise to my children that I will always be there for their extracurricular activities and that I will never be too busy to spend time with them. During my last year of medical assisting in Hawaii, I felt so burnt out. I felt that I was doing a job that I just had no passion for because of the work environment.
I have a fear that if I became a nurse, what if I blank out when I really need to be an asset to the medical team? What if I can't remember this or that? I can't bear to think that I am letting others down that need help the most. I guess all I needed to do was vent out how I felt about this entire situation.
With that said, I'm looking forward to my next set of HIM classes in two weeks.
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