I have awesome parents. Although they may not agree with everything I have done in my life, they still supported me no matter what. It took me many years to realize that they do in fact love me and that the way they show their love is just different from the way I wanted them to. American television gives us a sense of false reality. Where you think this is how my parents should be but in fact they are truly opposite. My parents moved from the Philippines to Hawaii many years ago. They both worked hard to bring both sides of our family to the states so that they would be able to see and enjoy the new world as well.
During childhood, I rarely got to see my parents because of the jobs they worked at. My maternal grandmother was the one who was with me and my brother for the majority of our childhood. She too worked but later on quit to help out with raising us. I have many cousins and being the oldest, I too got to enjoy the perks of baby-sitting.
As my teenage years passed by slowly and painfully, so began the times of fighting and arguing. They weren't around to ask me what was really wrong or how my day was. It was always about getting decent grades, staying out of trouble, and following their rules. If you know me, I tend to walk on the dark side quite often.
I did things to get their attention without me realizing what I was doing. As I continue to look back on what I've done, I can't take them back . I can only try to make things right and to keep moving forward. It has been a roller coaster of a ride when it came to my mom. I have always been a daddy's girl and we never fought. Although I would push his buttons and he is the kind of guy you do not want to see mad.
I was depressed because of things that happened to me that I couldn't discuss with them. I wanted to run far away so that there wouldn't be anymore fighting. I wanted to see the world through my own eyes not how my parents envisioned for me. When I joined the Army, it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
Not to mention I met my best friend and partner for life then too.
Life was falling into the place. I became a mom a couple years after joining the military. I got out to enjoy my son and to enjoy the married life as well. I learned to be truly independent since my hubby was deployed. I wasn't really talking to my parents then because at the time my mom was upset that I was pregnant at 19. Unlike the idiots on MTV, I was already married and had a job when we found out I was pregnant with Adam.
I continued to pursue my education while raising my son on my own for pretty much the first year of his life. All this was occurring and yet no one came to visit us. The only family I did have was my neighbors next door and my in-laws that came to check on me once a month. After we found out we were pregnant with Mikayla, I had hoped my parents would come to visit us that time around. But, I guess going to Vegas was more important. It sucked but I understood that they had different priorities than I did.
We worked hard to fix the relationships and it is now to the point where I feel I am the therapist and nurse of the family. My maternal and paternal sides of my family has numerous health issues that I must stay vigilant about constantly. Adult-onset diabetes and high blood pressure are issues I know I can prevent as long as I maintain a balanced diet and stay in shape as well.
BUT, the one thing I have to say about my parents is that they both very stubborn. While my mom pretty much almost tears her arm off because she was cleaning, my dad is trying to make me bonkers by not taking his blood pressure medication. I wish at times that we did not move away so that I could be in Hawaii to take care of my ailing family but at the same time... They need to take care of themselves too.
I think this is one of the sub-conscious reasons I am not willing to pursue my nursing career yet. I'm already trying to do so much but I do need time for myself and my own family as well. The duty to take care of others is so strong in me but at the same time, I tend to lose myself and quickly burn out when doing so. They want me to become a nurse to make lots of money and to help care for them when they are older. As the oldest and the daughter, I would always have a place for my parents to come and stay with me when that time comes. But, if I became a nurse, I wouldn't be able to have time to care for them while having a crazy hectic schedule. I would probably want to work in the ER department in a hospital or something like that. Only because crazy people like being around people just like them.
I just want everyone in my family to be okay health-wise. I want them to be around to enjoy birthdays and other milestones in my children's lives. Only then would I be able to say to myself, it is going to be alright. That I can pursue my dream and not have to stop because of family issues. I guess I know where my stubborn genes come from.
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Why is it that parents are so hard to talk to sometimes? They agree with what you are telling them, but yet you all know they are not going to listen to you. As I said earlier, my parents like to ignore the medical advice given to them and just do whatever is okay with them at the moment. I would like to tear my hair out each time they tell me something that is going wrong. However, I am unable to do so because I do not like inflicting such pain on myself. Also because I have very thin hair which would literally make me bald if I ever attempted to do so. I hope that my parents will quit being hard-headed and take their health seriously. Sometimes, I think I'm their parent. Jeez louise.. I just hope my kids don't kill me slowly like how their grandparents are to me right now.
My LIFE. My DREAMS. My LOVES.
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